Something I have noticed about myself

I think most people like to feel like they have some control over their lives. There are different ways to accomplish this. Some people are very regimented in how they live. Precise time tables, specific ways of doing things, etc. Some people do the opposite- they have control by rejecting order and embracing chaos.

Sometimes, I try to order my life my making rules for myself.

I will:

Do zazen every day.
Eat meat only once a day.
Be on time to work and appointments.

And so on.

One rule I've been following for about a year is driving without listening to the radio (or CDs or podcasts, or anything.) It's an attempt at being more mindful when I  drive. Before I started this, I was almost compulsive about what I would listen to when I was driving to and from work. Every Monday, I would listen to the weekend's "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me." Then the rest of the week I would listen to "Penn's Sunday School." If I still had driving to do after that point, I would listen to an interview from "The Nerdist."

I really enjoyed those programs. I still do. But I realized that I was using them to distract myself from... myself? It has been almost a year since I started driving in silence. I've gotten used to it. I can't say that I don't get lost in my thoughts, or sing out loud sometimes, but at least I feel like I don't need to be afraid of being alone with my thoughts for that period of time.

Happy New Year

I was watching an online video of all the New York City New Year's ball drops from 1976 through 2012, and it occurred to me that the idea of the "New Year" is completely arbitrary. Why at midnight? Why January 1? (It hasn't always been.)

Many people place such significance on that one moment as the old passes and the new arrives. But it isn't really more significant than any other moment. Does that make the New Year less special? What if every moment felt like that? How exhausting.